And that's it! For a written death threat! Nobody reported this incident to authorities, and it would never be known to anyone outside our town. So how could any type of countrywide "anti-bullying program" possibly work when not enforced by any outside authorities or government? If schools are trusted to handle such situations singlehandedly, at their own discretion, and left to their own devices rather than having a set of specific government-mandated actions that MUST be followed for a particular instance -- such as a death threat it can't possibly work, and statistics cannot be accurate at all.
It also comes down to this -- if the school officials are friends with the parents of the bully yes, even in the case of a death threat! Sad, but true. You have described your frustration with school authorities who have not acted to protect your daughter, and the truth is, no matter what anti-bullying program the nation tries to implement, it will never be administered perfectly. Parents can't turn the job of protecting their kids over to school authorities because then they have no control over how the bullying is handled, no matter what they think the law says they can expect.
They will always worry about what will happen in school and will always be bugging the school administration to do more, which, as we know, will not make them popular around the school district office! This is the true value of Izzy Kalman's Golden Rule-based approach. It gives your child, indeed, everyone, the tools to control their own life.
They learn how to respond to people saying mean things to them, trying to make them feel bad or get angry. They learn how not to be victims, and to let bullies know that there is no reward in continuing their abusive behavior. The fact is that when behavior is not rewarded, it stops.
Your child does not need to depend on the school officials to protect him or her, and this skill is theirs to keep for the rest of their life. Plus, if they start to use it the first day of school, they'll nip the teasing in the bud and the harassment won't continue all year and it won't escalate to cyberbullying, death threats, and who knows what else. On the other hand, if a truly disturbed child beats up another child or preys upon them in some truly dangerous way like exposing them to potentially lethal allergic substances , the police need to be called because the reward that child is getting is seeing the other child badly hurt, not just angry.
The child can't make it stop by just showing that they're not afraid. In fact, that could make the hostile kid act worse. That may be beyond the resources of a typical school counseling department to handle and may need to be referred to the juvenile justice system or mental health system.
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Regardless, it won't be fixed by an anti-bullying campaign. I was wondering how would you go about deciding whether an intention whether good or bad What steps, or ideas would you use to make this determination? But stating that Hitlers genocide was the greatest ever seen in human history is plain wrong. For example Stalin killed almost twice that of Hitler. Since then you also have the Great leap forward in which the Chinese Government allowed 30million people to stare to death, in what some call Economic genocide.
The mass killing of Gengus Khan also amount to more then double that of Hitler. Dang what an idea just say "So? Due to this same bullying. Anyways, past the point of how idiotic your textbook phdycological answer being absurd and uncaring of the casualties in between this nice period of the bullies eventually feeling stupid. Well in the moment as your being bullied, I can tell from first hand experience it's close to impossible to reply to a bully with anything logical for two reasons.
First and foremost it's hard to think when you are being insulted and your emotions are running high on self hate. And second actually being able to respond when the bullies are being a behind the back kind of people. Such as a guy or girl asking you out and then say she or he was kidding or it turning out to have been a cruel dare. Or they are just talking about you when you walk by or whispering in your ear. Most of the time there is no direct comment to respond to. Beyond bullying most reading this are likely well aware of the current problems in our society concerning crime and disrespect to officers and people in general.
This is due to the general populaces ability to hide behind "everyone" else's actions pointing out how others are doing it too or at least they weren't as bad as so and so. In general this is people hiding behind each other and not being able to take personal moral responsibility for their actions. This ties in with the bullying issue in the idea that these problems are at the same cause. People will do what ever they can get away with, if they can still not feel bad or look bad most will care more for how they look to others, often why they are bullying in the first place The answer to this problem is clear when looked at this way.
Simply take away the ability to find moral absolution using the actions of others, and have a general feeling of dislike for the crime or in this case bullying. To fix this problem it must start with the bystanders becoming the solution not the bullies being disclipined because they can parade that in front of their peers for more attention or from the bullied speaking up because this will cause a vast intensification of the bullying.
Bystanders are as bad as the bully because they have the solution to yhe problem yet allow it to continue.
The meaning and origin of the expression: The road to hell is paved with good intentions
I would like to here any comments any one has towards my point of view on the matter along with any questions to clarify what I was trying to say. Especially of the author of the original article finds error in my logic or a flaw in my picture of reality, not to debate but so I can refine my ideas because I am seeking knowledge and wisdom not to be right. I am not sure what you are asking me for, though it sounds to me like a friend's suicide has disturbed you greatly, and you want to understand bullying better in order to know how to handle it.
I would suggest that you begin by reading my simple manual for young people, How to Stop Being Teased and Bullied without Really Trying. There are also countless self-help books that teach how to handle people being mean to us. It might not sound like it is about bullying, but it is. You misunderstand, I was only asking if you saw an error in the logic that to end bullying that the kids need to stop accepting it and that as long as bullying is accepted by the peers then it will go on no matter what else people may do. The whole tough it out way is not useful because it is a problem that is centered in society not the youth or individual.
We hide behind others instead taking responsibility ourselves. And as for my past, it ha only made me stronger and nothing else but most aren't as strong as I have been. I know now that all of society is as bad as the one culprit who let's the crime occur. Your idea represented a logical point of view but also a view of one who conforms to society as much as anyone else whether they realize it or not. I only wish that people would show individuality instead of just playing follow the leader.
And as for the rest, I am not bullied now I am stronger then before, you only get bullied if you let yourself be bullied, I know what bullying is and how to handle it. But my point was that why should we fix the results when the real problem is this machine we call society. I also sense that you don't have a grasp on my age, I'm young but not the middle school or freshman young I'm an IB student in his senior year.
Young but smart and due to my past I am not ignorant to the world like most my age. If you knew me you would understand better te difference between me and most people my age and I'm general. Also I would like to add that the self help books are useful to many but also in other ways comepletely useless for kids being bullied. The key to not getting bullied is confidence and standing firmly on your values and ideas. As long as people see that then they pick an easier target.
I only posted my comments not actually because of bullying but to make a point about society. Which I hope is obvious to pull from my comments. First of all, I'd just like to say that I was glad I found this article on the internet. I've found it to be very insightful with very important thought-provoking implications. Additionally, I find it extremely ironic that many of those in disagreement have chosen to resort to name-calling, peer pressure, and using extreme examples, calculated to emotionally manipulate, bully tactics against the author in an attempt to institute legal action more bullying to solve the problem of bullying.
Bullying bullies, simply put, will not solve the problem of bullying. There are several reasons for this:. It doesn't matter who is doing the bullying, even if it's the government; it sets an example that unequivocally demonstrates that bullying is okay. Yes, we all need help sometimes, but teaching children that their first and only recourse for any problems they are having is direct government intervention only serves to disempower them, which is not an acceptable price to pay for any kind of help, because it prevents them from being able, or even attempting, to solve problems by themselves which is probably the most important life lesson that can be taught.
By defaulting to a stance of ignoring all of the faults of the victim, we can be doing them a disservice by giving them a free pass. I think it's also important to point out that the problem we are facing is not bullying itself, but the effects that it has upon those who are bullied.
We should be focusing on mitigating those effects, which opens up several possibilities, only one of which is to stop bullying a futile exercise in hypocrisy, if attempting to do so with threats of punishment. What all of the other possibilities boil to down to, though, is empowering the victim by giving them affirmation and a sense of worth outside of their relationships with bullies. Anyone whose primary source of attention is being bullied, who is defining themself by these interactions, is certainly suffering from a lack of attention and affection that should be coming, first, from their family.
Of course, there are many cases where the family is an abusive, bullying force, but this is within the scope of the law already, so additional laws in this area would be redundant. By broadly defining bullying and trying to end it, we are also depriving ourselves of a useful social tool. Bullying is a tool used to enforce conformity. While anyone that knows me would certainly attest to my abhorrence of conformity you internet people will just have to take my word for it , creating and enforcing common values is what defines and creates community.
By ostracizing bullying those who don't adhere to those values, we protect the sanctity of our community by either driving away those who don't respect those values or changing their minds. While this behavior oftentimes results in pointless negative effects in cases of hairstyle or dress, it is also used to discourage murder and thievery you can see examples of public shaming [bullying] every evening on the news.
Of course, many people who disagree are just waiting to post some horrible horror story in which the victim is completely helpless or met with a tragic fate. The fact of the matter is that those cases do not account for the majority of bullying. Yes, as a community, we do need to intervene in many extreme cases, but by blanketing ALL bullying with the same legislation, we are interfering in cases where we don't need to and by doing so we are actually causing more long-term harm to victims by denying them important life skills.
Many of the cases cited in the comments already, like the intentional triggering of epilepsy or severe allergies, are already covered by law attempted murder, for instance and passing additional laws won't do us any good if the law isn't already being enforced. In other examples, like that of cyber-bullying, there is a clear lack of parental supervision and attention that is much more alarming to me than any words that could possibly be said. To finally get to the subject of this post, I would like to be clear that I am speaking from experience.
I was bullied for many years as a child.
It was difficult because I was quite different from many of those around me and held many different values. However, it gave me the impetus to really take a look at myself and correct some of my shortcomings. I certainly didn't change in every single way that the bullies expected me to, or even most of them, but it helped me to be who I wanted to be and taught me how to alter my behavior or appearance to just fit in when I chose to.
That's not a bad thing; it's power over yourself and your surroundings coupled with an awareness of what people want and expect from you. Furthermore, it taught me how to use the gifts I had. To counteract the bullying, I developed a swift wit and sense of humor that has served me well throughout my life. It also taught me who was important to me, whose opinions I really cared about and who cared about me.
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Bullying taught me who to avoid, how to end potentially violent situations non-violently, how to make friends, and how to earn respect from people. If these problems had just been solved for me, I wouldn't have the same aptitude to think critically, reflect upon myself, or change the world around me. Some lessons just have to be learned the hard way and by sheltering young people from hard lessons, we just make life more difficult for all of us.
I just wanted to say to you that I like your point of view on this. All except for one thing. Conforming- when people conform to society they don't think for themselves, all points I have been trying to make were focused on the idea that we all have our own morals and therefore should be personally strong and not just do it because everyone else does. Take the events that occurred in Detroit for example, that was caused because people followed the people around them who were following the people around them who were following the people around then, the cycle goes on- it's called society, we conform to everyone else and accept immoral things because everyone else accepts them the same cycle repeats and then when we do immoral things we hide behind the fact that there are those who do worse.
Conforming in the end means not taking responsibility for what you do an what goes on. This is a short handed comment compared with my trail if logic and point of views, but I would rather not create an article on society here in the comment section. I also would like to say that I hope you don't find any of my ideas as reverting to bullying to reduce bullying. Choosing when and where to fit in does not mean that one is just going along with what everyone is doing, but not giving it any thought.
On the contrary, it means that one has actually given it some thought and is fitting when they decide to,. Impossible solutions are pursued while the best are being ignored. Here's a hypothesis the study's researchers should consider. Back Psychology Today. Back Find Counselling. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. The New Science of Sleep Experts suggest ways to correct the habits that keep us from resting well.
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Cranial Electrostimulation and Anxiety. Izzy Kalman Resilience to Bullying. Follow me on Twitter. Friend me on Faceook. Connect with me on LinkedIn. Submitted by Anonymous on September 22, - pm. Really not a "tough it out" approach Submitted by Anonymous on September 22, - pm. Naive advice Submitted by Anonymous on September 29, - pm. How frustrating Submitted by Anonymous on October 30, - pm. It's ok, anger gets the best of me too, sometimes. Some schools just do not care! Submitted by Anonymous on February 18, - am.
Who can you control?
CREDIT UPDATE - THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS - Pragmatic Capitalism
Submitted by Sally McCollum on June 7, - pm. Hello, I was wondering Submitted by Anonymous on July 1, - am. Hello, I was wondering how would you go about deciding whether an intention whether good or bad The stabs at moral argumentation are at best eclectic, at worst muddled. There is a maddeningly ad hoc utilization of moral thinking, one that appeals to utilitarian considerations when those seem hospitable and to the principle of individual autonomy when that seems more useful.
Cowan does offer a measure of common sense and some sociological insights into the ethical commitments of various groups, but they do not add up to a convincing argument. Simply pointing out, for example, that some Cypriot Orthodox clergy tended to look the other way when couples decided to abort fetuses afflicted with beta-thalassemia does not help us judge, as Cowan thinks it does, the morality of aborting diseased fetuses.
She completely rejects traditional moral and religious guideposts and believes that simply laying out the historical facts will lead to clear, distinct, and incontrovertible insights about the good of genetic screening. But caution may well be the order of the day. One does not have to be on the extreme right or left to feel some ambivalence about the whole project of genetic medicine. Nor, it needs be said, does Cowan adequately address the issue of abortion. The only critic of abortion addressed in the text is a right-wing Christian blogger.
Any work that purports to be an argument rather than just a history should analyze the broader context of a risk-averse medical culture that encourages parents to use genetic testing in their quest for the perfect baby. Uncomfortable questions are rarely posed and even more rarely addressed. What constitutes disease? Are gender and homosexuality diseases?
Should we screen if we cannot treat? Has screening created a disincentive to seek cures? After all, abortion after genetic testing could serve the same purpose as sterilization did in earlier eugenic programs. Finally, the practical problem of genetic discrimination on the part of health-insurance companies needs to be addressed by any thoughtful advocate of genetic screening. Imagine a scenario—in the not-too-distant future—made possible by prenatal testing.
Will that information represent the next great medical breakthrough or a further step into the Huxley Brave New World? If readers look to Heredity and Hope for history, they will find it instructive. But for a serious consideration of the critical difference between what we can do and what we ought to do, readers must look elsewhere. Green's Babies by Design. Please email comments to letters commonwealmagazine. Paved with Good Intentions. By Francis Kane. Share Share Twitter Print. Published in the issue:. Also by this author A More Beautiful Question.
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